Competitiveness: Redone
by Taeryfai
Summary: In an attempt to make Deidara join him Orochimaru turns our favourite blond bomber into a girl to 'punish' him, that's not even all of his problems. He has a group of fanboys, who all decide its time to compete for his love: ItaDei, TobiDei, SasoDei,HiDei. Hiatus
1. Chapter 1: An unknown jutsu

First chapter of the redone: read it here www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7825742/1/

An Unknown Jutsu

Deidara growled slightly as he trudged through the forest which surrounded the Akatsuki base, he of all the Akatsuki been chosen for scouting duty. At six in the freaking morning! Seriously, it was way too early to be scouting and also he was the wrong person to be doing so. Well yeah, he was usually up an hour or so before dawn anyway because of his screwed up sleeping habits (he blamed Sasori for this, why? Just because he could :P) whilst everyone else slept in till noon or even later and sure enough his mechanical eye had night vision but still!

The forest was massive, miles and miles upon trees, it was illogical for one person to search the place by himself even with chakra clones, surely Zetsu would have been a better choice as he was actually the Akatsuki's scout and seemed able to appear in numerous places at once as well as having an insane sensing skill or even Kisame choice seeing as he had an insane amount of chakra and his sword could sense it. But no they had to send the blond bomber who could not sense chakra until it was pretty close and his mechanical eye did not even help much due to the numerous amounts of trees disturbing his view.

He was brought out of his inner musing by a kunai speeding towards him, due to Sasori's constant attempts to strike him with his coil his reaction time was superb and he moved of the way before it could hit him. He cursed, why did now had to be the one time that someone bothered to actually enter the forest? The time he was scouting? His hand reached for his clay pouch, but it wasn't there. Damn, he had left it behind because no ever entered the stinking forest, maybe Sasori was right and he should be more prepared. Well he may not have his clay but that did not mean he was defenceless after all being a s-ranked shinobi in the Akatsuki meant you had to have considerable talents in ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu. He was not that skilled in genjutsu but he was better than most people and his taijutsu was actually just as good as the other Akatsuki members if not better in some cases but he refrained from using it.

His hand mouths had the habit of biting people, and unlike Zetsu, he did not think that human flesh was that nice tasting. In fact most shinobis were disgusting, covered in mud, blood and other such things and it was questionable if half of them had ever made a passing acquaintance with a shower before. It very questionable indeed.

He was then attacked by another four kunais from different directions; again he was grateful for his amazing reactions as he dodged them with ease. He then picked up the kunais, whoever threw those kunais were going to regret giving him weapons. Smirking confidently, he looked around activating his heat sensors in his mechanical eye wondering why the hell he had not done it in first place. He quickly found his five attackers; he threw all five kunais in one hand with expert preciseness all of them hitting their mark. There were thuds as five shinobi fell from the trees they had been perched in, he looked at them curiously, sound ninjas only chuunin or maybe even genin.

He froze as he heard evil chuckling coming from behind him, he turned around to see an incredibly pale man with long black hair which was rather thin and less pretty than Deidara's, it also looked far less healthy. His yellow eyes reminded him of a snake, in fact most things about this man did so. He was confused about how he had not sensed the man with his heat sensor, it was as if his temperature matched his surroundings, it seemed he did not just look like a snake then but also shared snake qualities.

"KuKuKu, quite impress~ive, Deidara." The man said, dragging out his 's' in an almost hiss. Deidara gave a start, how the hell did this snake know his name? Who was this snake- err- person anyway?

"How do you know my name!" Deidara said glaring at the snake, who merely laughed and raised an eyebrow.

"Ss~eriouss~ly, you don't think I would not look up at my own replacement?" The man laughed, Deidara looked at him blankly with wide blue eyes.

"R-Replacement, un?" He questioned uncertainly, the snake wannabe laughed and walked forward towards Deidara and tilted Deidara's head up towards his own.

"Yess~ Deidara, my replacement ass~ Ss~ass~ori'ss partner," The snake said leaning closer, Deidara took a step back, but the man just moved forward. "Did they neglect to tell you about little old me?" He grinned, Deidara gulped nervously, this snake-man was freaky and that was saying something considering with whom he lived with.

"You can't be, they told me that the only way to leave the Akatsuki is through death and you are clearly alive." Deidara said suddenly getting back his confidence and aiming a kick at the man's head. The man chuckled and caught his leg,

"Oh, they just did not want you to betray them like I did." The man said, letting out a hiss as Deidara kicked him in the face using his other leg, standing on his hands to do so. He let go of Deidara's leg to nurse his poor possibly broken nose.

"My, aren't you the feissty one." He said, Deidara scowled at him and aimed a punch at him. "Well you can always leave Akatsuki and join me, you have the right type of… energy which I look for in a minion. You can call me Master Orochimaru, has a nice ring, don't ya think?" He chortled; Deidara's punch hit him square in the mouth. Orochimaru sighed, "I guess I'll have to punish you for that, I'll be waiting for you, Deidara-kun~" Orochimaru said winking as he made hand signals, Deidara felt his eyes grow heavier and it all went black.


	2. Chapter 2: Konan's motherly help

A/N: I'll be doing the odd chapters from Deidara's P.O.V. and the even chapters from another character's. This one is Konan's. :D

Chapter Two: Konan's motherly help

Konan was in her room, carefully folding paper in an extricate manner, this was true art despite what the blond bomber and the red-haired puppet master said. After all anyone could mould a lump of clay or hack at a piece of wood but making elaborate animals and flowers out of paper? It took real skill to do that; few people could master it, herself being one of the few who could. She had to admit though that Deidara and Sasori were skilled at what they did after all not everyone could make their creations move fluidly as if they were alive (Well she could of course seeing as she was awesome). But the creations themselves? Deidara's creations were unrealistic and half the time it was hard to say what the hell they were and Sasori's… well they were just creepy and half of them ugly. Once she had tried to enter the argument when Deidara had first been introduced into the Akatsuki…

X flashback x

"Art is fleeting, un, you misguided old fool! You're merely going senile in your old age, un!" Deidara yelled at the puppet master who had not yet shown his true form to Deidara and was hidden in Hiruko, his eye twitched in annoyance.

"First of all, I'm not old and secondly art is eternal." Sasori said annoyed, Deidara gave a snort of disbelief and looked at Hiruko.

"Not old, un?" Deidara managed to repeat with a serious face before laughing his head off after a second or perhaps less. Sasori growled and actually opened the top of Hiruko, Deidara paused in laughing and looked curiously at the puppet. Sasori revealed his true self of an extremely handsome red head who looked around sixteen.

"I still think you're old, un, you're just short too." Deidara grinned. "Besides art is one-hundred percent fleeting." He added, Sasori's eye twitched in anger at both the insult and the fact he was still arguing.

"Eternal!"

"Fleeting!"

"Eternal!"

"Fleeting!"

"Boys," Konan sighed breaking it up, she smiled dazzlingly at them "It's clear art is beauty and elegance." She said, they stared at her in disbelief.

"You're saying that Danna's not art, un." Deidara replied murmuring, Sasori smirked.

"You think I'm art… wait did you just call me ugly!" He said in disbelief, flicking his hair. Deidara grinned.

"So what if I did, un." He replied, Sasori responded by unreeling his coil.

"Die!"

X end flashback x

To say the least it did not end well… After that she decided not to enter their arguments, she finished the flower which folded outwards delicately, smiling slightly she put it into a vase of equally beautiful paper flowers. Then there was a small knock at her door.

"Konan?" A small voice asked from outside the somewhat motherly bluenette's door. Konan froze recongnizing the voice.

"Deidara darling? Are you okay? You sound higher pitched than usual, do you have a cold?" Konan asked softly, she had always had a soft spot for the youngest member, he was always polite to her (even if he wasn't to Sasori) and treated her with the respect she deserved unlike the rest of the organization. There was also the fact he was just so cute, if she didn't think he was gay (seriously how could he look like he did and not be gay? But that was okay, she liked yaoi) and was younger than herself she would of dated him. There was then a choked sob outside the door, very concerned now she opened the door to find Deidara looking downwards at the floor. His golden hair was curtaining his face and most of his shoulders (how she wished her hair could grow to be like that), and he looked smaller, frailer than usual. His large blue eye(s) looked up at her sadly with more and thicker eyelashes than she was accustomed to (had he been using mascara?). His arms were folded across his chest and the long sleeves of the cloak covered his entire top half of his body until the beginning of his waist.

"I have a problem." Deidara said blushing slightly, from this side of the door, she could hear it better. It was softer as well as higher pitched, in fact it was almost childish or musical… it was well feminine. Konan gave him a curious look as he removed his arms from his chest to beside his sides. He had breasts, quite large and visible ones too despite the cloak which hid most of the body's features. Her eyes widened considerably and her jaw nearly hit the floor as she just stared at him… er… her.

"You have b…breasts." She murmured finally, what her eyes told her and her brain finally connecting. Deidara suddenly burst into tears.

"It was that stupid jutsu… a…and now I'm a girl and I keep crying for some reason, un." He or rather she sobbed, Konan sighed and hugged the blond comfortingly.

"It's the hormones, you'll get used to them and you'll control them better." She said patting the bomber's head like what a mother did to her child when it had a bad nightmare.

"But I don't want to get used to it! I don't want to be a girl, un! T-There's these _**things**_ on my chest which keeps getting in the way! There's no use for them anyway, un." Deidara said glaring at his newly formed breasts, Konan laughed slightly (there was extra evidence considering his sexuality).

"They're there to feed babies milk, Deidara." Konan informed him, it was hilarious how Deidara's face screwed up in disgust at that.

"That's gross, un." Deidara said then he looked up at Konan in slight horror "I'm not going to have a baby, right?" He asked nervously, Konan giggled.

"Of course not, you're just a girl now, not pregnant." She said ruffling the blond's hair. "Let's go see Pein to see what he has to say about this, he's good at reversing jutsus." She said, Deidara made a face.

"Do I have to?" Deidara asked, Konan raised an eyebrow.

"Of course, why not?" She asked, Deidara rubbed the back of his/her neck.

"It's sort of embarrassing." The blond murmured, Konan smiled.

"Don't worry, you'll be back to normal in no time."


	3. Chapter 3: A bomber's ranting

Chapter Three: A bomber's ranting

Deidara was dragged along the Akatsuki corridors by Konan, it was still morning, only a few hours after his scouting mission and most of the members weren't awake yet, which he was glad of. He knew logically he should of went to Pein first considering his little 'problem' seeing as Pein was _almighty _and amazing at jutsus but he went to Konan. Why? Well, firstly Konan was a girl and seeing a boy considering his condition would be awkward; secondly Konan was just _nice_ and often tried to help everyone with their problems earning her the affectionate name of 'Mother' from Hidan rather than his customary 'bitch' for everyone woman he met; thirdly there was the fact Konan tended to react less violently than the others and keep a cool head (even though she did react better than he thought she would); fourthly she tended to fix problems then ask questions; and lastly to be brutally honest, Pein was kind of imitating and it was far easier to approach him with Konan who Pein seemed to ease up around. Konan sharply knocked on the door of Pein's office which wasn't that far from Konan's room actually. There was the sound of a chair being scraped back and the sound of a drawer being closed hurriedly from inside the room.

"Come in." Pein said in his deep voice which resonated throughout the room and into the corridor yet somehow remaining soft. It was one of his most clear signs of his leadership, his voice, it could make fear him or believe in him and it was clear as well. (A/N: I don't know if his voice really sounds like that but in my head it does), Konan opened the door and entered calmly pulling in Deidara after her. Pein raised a curious eyebrow not yet noticing the breasts on Deidara's chest due to Deidara nervously hiding them despite the little difference it'll make in the long run.

"Konan, Deidara, why are you both here?" Pein asked, Konan looked at Deidara.

"From what I can gather Deidara had been put under a jutsu whilst scouting with… odd effects." Konan said, Deidara hid his face into Konan's shoulder from embarrassment, Konan gave him an amused smile for a moment, he had these sweet moments which made it hard to believe he was a criminal.

"And what effects are these?" Pein asked, giving Deidara a slight barely noticeable look of jealousy due to his closeness, Deidara noticed though and gave a slight smirk, of everyone in the Akatsuki he seemed to be the only one who could see the feelings harboured between Pein and Konan, the feelings were clearly not one sided but the two seemed oblivious to one another. Konan pulled Deidara out from behind her and shoved him towards Pein. Deidara tripped over an inconvenient placed scroll and ended up landing in Pein's lap.

"Hi, un ?" Deidara grinned nervously, Pein's eye twitched in anger and he gawped as he noticed something on the bomber's chest, something which should not be there. To be honest if it wasn't for Deidara's effeminateness he would have noticed a whole lot quicker of the change that overcame Deidara.

"Why the fuck are those things on your chest?" Pein near shouted forgetting to tell Deidara to get off of him, Deidara gave a sheepish smile.

"Apparently to feed babies milk, un…" Deidara said, Pein stared at him in disbelief, "I know, I did not believe Konan either since that is so gross." Deidara said at the look Pein was giving him. Konan gave a slight laugh; he was still stuck upon that subject then.

"How did this happen!" Pein yelled, "Unless you've been a girl all this time…" He visibly relaxed at the idea.

"Wait! What the fuck! I was one-hundred and ten per cent male until I met that snake dude, un. It's just my beautiful hair which make people call me a girl and that's because they're fucking jealous un." Deidara began to ramble on, because seriously he had beautiful hair that was better than half if not all of the females out there.

"Wait a second… snake dude?" Pein said, he looked at the blond in his lap sternly. "Tell us everything leading up to this and especially describe this snake person."

"Well, he had horrible hair, it was black and incredibly thin and greasy, un. It needed a wash or two, a good shampoo and it would be quite pretty actually if it was put into a nice hairstyle and cleaned, un."

"Deidara, we want a description of him, not just his hair." Pein said strictly, Deidara gave an awkward smile.

"Well, he was pale and these yellow eyes with split pupils… oh he said his name was Touchimaru… no that was wrong it was Orochimaru." Deidara said, suddenly there was unnerving silence as Pein and Konan looked at one another. Deidara looked at them curiously, what was wrong with that name? Surely he had not really been part of Akatsuki right? They would have told him, at least Sasori would… wouldn't he? Deidara sighed.

"Well you going to tell me who he is or not?" Deidara asked irritated, still in Pein's lap but everyone had long since forgotten that.

"Did he say anything to you Dei?" Konan asked softly, Deidara shrugged.

"Just something about betraying the Akatsuki after being Sasori's partner and I was like 'no way, un'. And he was 'yes way'. Then I kicked him in the face, and he was like 'oh I totally love your energy, join me and call me master' and I was like 'fuck no bitch, un, I call only Danna master' and punched him and he was like 'nuh huh you didn't, I going to punish you now' and then he did these hand signals, so it went black and then I got these mounds on my chest and I was like 'ah'." Deidara said spurning all of the words out like a waterfall barely taking any breaths and due to his excitement leaving out his uns apart from he 'quoted' himself. Pein winced.

"You can stop talking now about what he said, we get the idea." Pein said, Deidara pouted childishly. "Where did you meet him?" He asked, Deidara tilted his head to the side as he thought.

"The scouting mission, the forest… where else would I have met him, un?" Deidara asked, Konan paled slightly.

"How did he find us?" Konan asked, Pein sighed.

"Deidara, we'll deal with your… predicament later, we need to call a meeting first." Pein said and looked at the blond blankly as if only seeming to realise that the blond was on his lap. Deidara shook his head.

"Are you kidding me! I come here for help, and you don't bother giving me any, un. Then I ask you who this Orochimaru is and you don't answer me." Deidara began in another one of his rants, Pein groaned.

"We'll answer every question you want, just let us please call the meeting, we need to move now Orochimaru found out the basic whereabouts of our base." He said, seriously Deidara's on-goingness seemed to get worse since he got changed into a girl. Deidara sighed and nodded.

"Fine." He said, then the door opened.

"Hey fuckers, you fucking disturbed my beauty sleep with all your shouting… holy Jashin why the fuck are you sitting on Pein in the ass's lap, blondie? Is this a free yaoi porn shot for Konan or something?"


	4. Chapter 4: This is Pein's fault!

Hidan's POV

Chapter Four: This Pein in the ass's fault!

_"Hey fuckers, you fucking disturbed my beauty sleep with all your shouting… holy Jashin why the fuck are you sitting on Pein in the ass's lap, blondie? Is this a free yaoi porn shot for Konan or something?"_

To say the least when Hidan's very necessary beauty sleep was disturbed he was annoyed, yes he had beauty sleep, you could not be as super amazingly handsome as he was without it. It was from the sound of Deidara's voice screaming at Pein for some insane reason. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, he then groaned in frustration, for Jashin's sake couldn't the blond just shut the hell up. Then he froze slightly… the blond was shouting at the Pein in the ass, who he always seemed nervous of. That was new, the blond was always so meek (*coughcutecough*) when he had to talk to the leader of the Akatsuki. He must be really angry then, to be honest Hidan sort of found that as a turn on, yes he was attracted to Deidara but who wouldn't be? Have you since him? But it was only lust, nothing serious and he would not act upon because despite the fact they constantly tried to maim one another they were actually good friends. It would past, it hadn't yet due to the fact the blond was constantly there but once one of them were sent on a long mission it'll be all forgotten. He groaned as they continued to talk loudly, he dragged himself out of bed sending a glare at the still sleeping Kakuzu who he shared a room with. Lucky bastard, being a deep sleeper. He then dragged himself outside of Pein in the ass' office, he heard the voice of Deidara saying 'fine' to whatever Pein said and then opened the door. The first thing he noticed was the fact that Deidara was sitting in Pein's lap looking directly at Pein's face, that made him trail off from his speech of "Hey fuckers, you fucking disturbed my beauty sleep with all your shouting…" He then noticed Konan in the room watching them, he looked back at Deidara and Pein and he felt a twinge of jealousy which he shook off quickly and added "Holy Jashin why the fuck are you sitting on Pein in the ass's lap, blondie? Is this a free yaoi porn shot for Konan or something?" He asked rudely. Pein's eye twitched in anger whilst Deidara went bright red.

"I didn't notice, un." The blond admitted, Hidan froze, there was something seriously off with that voice. It was too girlish; he then looked closer at Deidara and noticed something else 'off' about the blond. He wolf whistled grinning a slightly perverted grin.

"Wow, nice tits, so Konan never knew you were into straight porn." He said crudely, Deidara went redder if that was possible and Konan glared at him.

"Hidan, stop being a pervert and tell everyone about the meeting we're calling, you have a loud voice so use it for something useful for a change." Pein said unimpressed with Hidan, Hidan scowled slightly.

"My voice is always fucking useful." He said sourly, Deidara hopped off Pein's lap at last and smirked at him as he (she… what was Hidan supposed to call the bitch?) stood beside Konan.

"Not when you're asleep and have dirty dreams and cry out, un." Deidara said, Hidan went bright red at this and glared at Deidara.

"That was just that one fucking time!" He yelled at Deidara, not thinking to deny it.

"The only time I know of." Deidara replied smiling, Hidan gave a growl at him.

"Shut up bitch." Hidan growled annoyed, Deidara stuck out his/her tongue.

"Make me, un." Deidara said, Hidan took a threatening step towards Deidara.

"Hidan, I'm getting impatient." Pein said interrupting their conversation which was getting far off topic, Hidan began grumbling at his poor luck, first he was waken up far too early, then he was made to wake everyone up and no one was a morning person aside from Deidara. Even the puppet slept and hated being wakened, he was going to hurt.

"Hey! Fuckers! We have a Jashin damned meeting! So fucking wake up before I have to sacrifice your asses!" Hidan yelled, banging on the bedroom doors as he passed them. When he reached the shared room of Sasori and Deidara, Sasori opened the door to glare at him holding out his hand with his flame canisters out. Hidan groaned, all was going so well until now as well.

"Why did you wake me up, you know I value my sleep more than your life." Sasori said coldly, Hidan groaned.

"Don't fucking blame me blame Pein in the ass, mother and blondie it's their fault." Hidan said pushing past the puppet as he made his way to the last room. Zetsu's and Tobi's. By this time everyone else where out of their rooms grumbling and making death threats against Hidan. Itachi glared at him with activated Sharignan which was threatening to Mangekyō his ass into oblivion, after all of all people Itachi needed beauty sleep the most to get rid of those ugly bags so disrupting his sleep was a crime which would not go unpunished.

"I'm going to torture you for seventy-two hours so you will end up begging for death and wishing that you were not immortal." He snarled, this was the one time Itachi lost his cool, when ether he was woken up. Hidan flinched, he remembered the last time.

"Blame Pein in the ass, he's the fucking one that made me fucking do it!" Hidan yelled, Itachi just continued to glare at him. Kisame was holding Samehada clearly itching to use it. Zetsu then slid through the door making Hidan jump.

"You better have a good reason for this morsel… **or else we're going to eat you.**" Zetsu said annoyed, Tobi then exited the room still wearing his sleeping mask (being Tobi, he had to have a mask for every occasion, he even had a white 'take over the world mask' with two eye holes, but he had not used it yet.)

"Tobi no longer likes Hidan-kun." Tobi told the Jashinist not sounding very pleased.

"For the last fucking time blame Pein in the ass he's the one who called the meeting, not me." Hidan said to them all. They all continued to glare at him, obviously not believing their pleas.

"I did call the meeting and tell him to wake you up." Pein said walking out of his office, Hidan gawped at him in disbelief, was he actually agreeing with him. Was this a miracle sent from Jashin? "However you're beauty sleep isn't important at the moment, go straight to the meeting room and Hidan give your shirt to Deidara." Pein said, Hidan blinked at him stunned. Wait what? Everyone else was blinking confused and somewhat shocked as well. "He had an accident with his own." Pein said, Hidan blinked and went into Pein's office to do what Pein had told him to do. Konan was standing in front of Deidara trying hard to conceal something.

"Yo, bitches, Pein in the ass said that Deidara needed my shirt." Hidan said cheerfully, then he froze "Um… why?" He asked, Konan began coughing nervously whilst Deidara went bright red.

"Well… my… breasts were too big…" Deidara murmured going red, Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"Blondie, tits are never too big." Hidan informed him, Konan bit her lip, Hidan was such a pervert.

"Well, my shirt ripped as it was too small to hold them." Deidara said coughing in embarrassment, Hidan snorted and slipped off his shirt over his head revealing his beautifully toned chest and back. Chugging a heavy scythe around had its advantages sometimes. He passed the shirt to Deidara who smiled in thanks.

"Thanks religious zealot, un." Deidara said, Hidan smirked.

"You're welcome mad bomber." Hidan replied and watched as Deidara just took his own shirt off pretty much shamelessly apart from the fact he went redder. Hidan looked down at his feet his own cheeks going slightly red at the lack of shame Deidara showed, Deidara then slipped Hidan's shirt on.

"No seriously thanks, zealot." Deidara grinned, Hidan shrugged. Konan sighed.

"Can we go to the meeting now?" Konan asked impatiently, Deidara and Hidan grinned at one another.

"Ready to give them all a shock, un?" Deidara asked, Hidan smirked.

"Of course."


	5. Chapter 5: Stupidly short meeting

Chapter Five: Stupidly short meeting

_"Can we go to the meeting now?" Konan asked impatiently, Deidara and Hidan grinned at one another._

_"Ready to give them all a shock, un?" Deidara asked, Hidan smirked._

_"Of course."_

Deidara was glad he was friends with Hidan, the religious fanatic always made stuff easy to pull through and his words always, even if somewhat rude or inappropriate made him feel better and everything look not quite as bad as it seemed to be. Currently they were walking hand in hand to the meeting room, it was a public known fact that Deidara tended to like to have contact with another person when he was nervous, so Hidan being one of the best friends ever was helping him out by holding his hand. Yes he was nervous in facing the rest of the Akatsuki, although he had been confident at first he had got more nervous as he neared the room. You know the feeling, you are all planned and sure before you do a speech or something in front of an audience but when you actually have to do it you're shaking and forget the words. Konan was following the bomber and Jashinist as they made their way to the meeting room. Deidara suddenly stopped, jerking Hidan back a bit and causing Konan to nearly walk into him.

"I changed my mind, can I just stay here, un?" Deidara asked Konan hopefully, he did not want to face the rest of the Akatsuki anymore. Konan looked at him softly before she shook her head smiling slightly.

"This is an important mission, Dei." She said, Hidan grinned at Deidara and lifted him up bridal style, Deidara gave a yelp and his legs flailed in the air for a few moments. He then glared at Hidan.

"What's this for, un?" He asked confused, Hidan smirked.

"Well, all you have to do is press your tits into my chest and no one will notice a thing. As long as you don't talk of course, princess." He added, Deidara looked at him incredulously going slightly red.

"Princess? How can I be a princess, un? I'm a bo…" Deidara trailed off looking down at his chest "Oh yeah…" Hidan chuckled at his face, Deidara pouted "Well, you really are a pervert, un." He said. Hidan smirked.

"And I'm loving it, well are you going to do it or not?" He asked, Deidara frowned slightly.

"Wouldn't everyone think it's odd that you're carrying me, un? Deidara asked wrapping his arms around Hidan's neck, Konan spoke up smirking slightly.

"Why don't you say that you're doing a free yaoi porn shot for me?" Konan said using what Hidan said earlier. Hidan rather than finding offence grinned.

"I never actually thought you really were into those stuff, 'mother', are you really going to corrupt poor little Princess Dei with your dirty habits." Hidan smirked; Konan went a slight pink tinge, Hidan then grinned.

"Once Deidara's back to normal though, I will do it, but for a slight price…" He said, Konan and Deidara both stared at him.

"So you're not just a perv but a whore as well, un." Deidara said poking Hidan on the fore-head in a manner reminiscent of the way Itachi had used to do to Sasuke. Hidan smirked.

"A Jashin-damned sexy one." He said winking at them flirtatiously, Konan and Deidara both groaned in unison, Hidan winked. "You know you want me, really."

"Nah, I'll prefer Kisame, un." Deidara replied nonchalantly, Hidan blinked whilst Konan just stared for the moment.

"What? Why?" He asked somewhat confused.

"Blue's my favourite colour, un." Deidara said grinning.

"That's shallow, liking someone only for their skin colour."

"Says the person who'll whore himself out for money, un." Deidara retorted, Hidan grinned.

"What can I say? Kakuzu rubbed off on me."

"Kakuzu whore's himself out for money, un! That's gross, isn't he like ninety odd." Deidara said making a face. Hidan snorted and Konan smiled. The three ended laughing by the time they entered the meeting room gaining odd and annoyed looks from all the other members. Whose looks quickly turned to mildly shocked rather than angry.

"Um… why are you carrying Deidara?" Kisame asked blankly, Hidan shrugged.

"His hair smells nice." He said and sniffed it, everyone just stared at him whilst Deidara looked at him in mild astonishment but he was used to Hidan doing odd stuff like this so he just shrugged it off.

"Now you're not only a perv and whore, you're a creeper as well." Konan said blankly, Deidara nodded in agreement.

"Well, we need to start this meeting; we have wasted too much time here!" Pein said annoyed glaring at Hidan and Deidara. "Our whereabouts have been found out by Orochimaru." There was a tense silence after that.

"I'll start getting the next base ready." Zetsu said disappearing into the ground, Sasori pulled out several scrolls before looking at Deidara blankly and then glaring at Hidan with narrowed eyes.

"I'll start packing my puppets." He said leaving the room.

"Well this meeting sucks, you only said a few fucking words and everyone's leaving." Hidan said, Deidara actually nodded in agreement.

"It's like there's no point to it at all, un." He said, his voice making everyone else in the room that was unaware of the change freeze and turn to stare at him.

"What's wrong with sempai's voice? Has sempai been drinking helium?" Tobi asked worriedly hopping from foot to foot. Deidara gave a weak smile, crap, don't say the lollipop was worried that usually did not end good. Tobi had this problem of being overly caring over a person when they were sick or not feeling well, he literally smothered them in blankets and force fed them soup (the soup was actually surprisingly nice but the spoon hurt everyone's throat and after a while it tastes sickly).

"I'm fine, un." Deidara said hurriedly getting more looks, Pein sighed.

"Well enough with the staring, hurry up and get to work." Pein said practically pushing everyone out the room aside from Konan, Hidan and of course Deidara who was still being held up by Hidan.

"Why didn't he just tell everyone in the corridor, un?" Deidara asked, Konan smiled slightly sheepishly at the blond in embarrassment over her partner/leader.

"I have no idea."


	6. Chapter 6: Uncertain on how to proceed

Pein's POV, takes place at same time as Chapter Five

Chapter Six: Uncertain on how to proceed from now on

Pein sighed looking at all of the assembled members, Kakuzu was sitting bored counting his money obviously not caring about the meeting at all. Kisame and Itachi were talking, or rather Kisame was talking and Itachi was nodding politely at what he said showing he was listening or was he just falling asleep? It was hard to tell. Sasori was just looking at him creepily, since he was a puppet he did not blink and it made Pein feel anxious that the red-head was constantly staring at him. Why did he ask him to join anyway? Oh yeah... he was insanely good with puppets. Zetsu and Tobi were pretty much doing the same as Itachi and Kisame, Tobi chatting away and Zetsu listening politely. He was wondering at that moment whether to tell them about Deidara's 'condition' or not so they would not be all shocked about it when Deidara entered. He sighed, he really could not deal with it right now, they just didn't have enough time to deal with it, besides he'll remove the jutsu and it'll be over with before anyone needed to now. He nearly jumped as the door slammed open to reveal Hidan holding Deidara bridal style, Deidara's newly formed breasts pressed against Hidan's chest making them not visible at all. Konan was directly behind them, all three were laughing, Konan laughing delicately, her pale gentle hands held over her mouth. Sigh. She was beautiful; he was shook out of his day dream by Kisame's voice.

"Um… why are you carrying Deidara?" Kisame asked blankly, Hidan shrugged. Pein looked at them carefully, he guessed he did not have to bother explain after all. Thank himself (after all he is pretty much a god) he did not really want to, it did not sound all that fun.

"His hair smells nice." He said and sniffed it, everyone just stared at him for a while, they all then shrugged it off after a while, it was almost scary that they were used to this sort of thing from Hidan.

"Now you're not only a perv and whore, you're a creeper as well." Konan said blankly, Deidara nodded in agreement. Pein growled silently, Hidan better not go any where near _his _Konan... er... his partner. No he was not possessive over the beautiful bluenette...no seriously he wasn't.

"Well, we need to start this meeting; we have wasted too much time here!" Pein said annoyed glaring at Hidan and Deidara, Konan was not at fault... he wasn't showing favouritism at all. "Our whereabouts have been found out by Orochimaru." There was a tense silence after that. Orochimaru had that effect on people, he could see Sasori flinch slightly obviously remembering his time as Orochimaru's partner. It had been really bad seeing as Sasori did not react much to other things.

"I'll start getting the next base ready." Zetsu said disappearing into the ground, instantly doing as he was needed to do rather than being asked first. Sasori pulled out several scrolls before looking at Deidara blankly as if he was curious and then glaring at Hidan with narrowed eyes. Pein would of smiled at the small act of jealousy if it was another time.

"I'll start packing my puppets." He said leaving the room. Pein was so glad he had members who weren't idiots... well most of them... so he did not have to explain every little thing to them.

"Well this meeting sucks, you only said a few fucking words and everyone's leaving." Hidan said, hence the reason he said most of them... Hidan was one of the exceptions. Not only was he a pervert and according to Konan and Deidara a creeper and a whore, more _pleasant _attributes to the Jashinist which was Hidan. Deidara nodded in agreement.

"It's like there's no point to it at all, un." He said, his voice making everyone else in the room that was unaware of the change freeze and turn to stare at him. Pein groaned, oh dear now he had to possibly explain it and he didn't have time, who knows where Orochimaru was now.

"What's wrong with sempai's voice? Has sempai been drinking helium?" Tobi asked worriedly hopping from foot to foot. Pein looked at the masked man, it was hard to believe that this was the true boss of the Akatsuki, he acted more idiotic than even Hidan half the time.

"I'm fine, un." Deidara said hurriedly getting more looks, Pein sighed, he had to something quickly in order to stop the questions.

"Well enough with the staring, hurry up and get to work." Pein said pushing everyone out the room aside from Konan, Hidan and of course Deidara who was still being held up by Hidan. No time for questions, so they had to move, move, move!

X

Pein sighed as they moved into the first of their many bases they could reach that Orochimaru did not know about, how he had even found the last one was a mystery. This base was larger as well, which meant that all members could have their own rooms, which was useful seeing as Konan decided to dress Deidara up in as many girl outfits she could find seeing as she may never have this chance again anytime soon... it was rather disturbing at the amount of pink Lolita dresses she had seeing as she never wore them. And the fact Deidara seemed perfectly fine with wearing them, if not even slightly enthusiastic. Hidan also seemed really pleased, so pleased he had bloodied tissues stuffed up his nose, pervert, at least it was at Deidara not Konan. He would have to kill him if he was looking at Konan... only _he _could do that. Er... yeah.

"LEADER-SAMA, un!" Deidara yelled, his voice sounding out through the entire base, he had to admit, that blond had a powerful voice, must have something to do with his multiple mouths. "Can you do that thingy yet! Un!" Pein sighed, annoying blond. "Konan's wearing a dress, un!" He also added, Pein went slightly red why in Amegakure did the blond bomber say that? Why would he want to know that? Well for reason he was filled with a sudden urge to do it now instead of waiting. Before he knew it he was at Konan's door. He opened the door to see Deidara and Konan in matching dresses but his eyes were only on Konan, she looked beautiful. He watched as Konan blushed red before looking at the ground embarrassedly, he found it cute. Then he heard Deidara and Hidan laughing over something Deidara said but what he did not hear as he busy...

"Well, Leader Sama, I know Konan is incredibly beautiful but staring at her like that must be uncomfortable, un." Deidara spoke up, Pein turned to him irritated by what he said for some reason.

"What do you mean?" He practically growled, Deidara smirked.

"Well, Konan is the perfect vision of art, like art personified. Fleeting through her paper, her hair also happens to be blue (my favourite colour). She's even art through Danna's misguided views, her eternal kindness and motherliness, un. Even in her own view of art which is beauty and elegance, un!" Deidara cried, Hidan seemed to be choking up in laughter for some reason whilst Konan blushed slightly, both made him annoyed.

"You're fucking face, is a picture!" Hidan snorted, "Like jealousy personified!" Pein was shocked at this, first of all why would he be jealous? It was only Deidara described how fabulous Konan was (which she was) and secondly the fact Hidan knew big words. Konan looked at Pein blushing deeper and smiling flustered.

"Well anyway, lovebirds un, can I get turned back into a boy again, un. These breasts keep getting in the way, I knocked my drink over with them, un." Deidara said cheerfully, Pein frowned when did Deidara grow this confidence in talking to him? Pein sighed and did the hand signals for the most advanced removal jutsu he knew which pretty much removed all jutsus including even Tsukuyomi. There was silence as nothing happened, he tried again. Still nothing, it was not working. Well... oh shit.

"Well, I'm afraid that we need to find a different technique in order to remove this jutsu." Pein said nervously, he could practically hear Orochimaru chuckling creepily at his trolling from here. Deidara face was not pleased at all.

"How long will that take." He asked, his seriousness shown by the lack of un. Pein could feel his throat go try at Deidara's face.

"It could be a day, a week or maybe a... year."

"YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME! UN!"


	7. Chapter 7: Kakuzu's get rich quik scheme

Dei's POV

Chapter Seven: Kakuzu's get rich quick scheme (and how everyone, according to Deidara, are perverts aside from Itachi)

"_You're fucking kidding me! UN!"_

It took a long time to calm Deidara down and stop him from throttling Pein, obviously being turned into a girl than not changed the fact that he did stupid and rash things when he was angry. After he calmed down it was decided that since due to the unknown amount of time the jutsu would last before being able to wear off or to figure out how to remove it, it had been decided that at long last that his new girlish form was to be revealed to the rest of the Akatsuki. Fun. Could you hear the blatant sarcasm in his voice? Well he was not speaking out loud so it would be thoughts, right? You could have sarcastic thoughts... well anyway, he did not even have Hidan's comfort anymore. Hidan had been called for by Kakuzu to help chug his safes filled with money to Kakuzu's room. Why did Kakuzu need to have safes so ridiculously big anyway? That wasn't the worst thing about it, they had requested _Kisame _to help as Hidan, Kakuzu _and _all five of his heart masks couldn't move them. Seeing as both Kakuzu and Hidan were amazingly physically strong, these safes were incredibly heavy. Though Deidara had no idea why they just did not just place the safes into scrolls, he would of mentioned something about it but he had a sadistic side and it was just so fun watching as they struggled. One of the many reasons why he was friends with the masochistic Jashinist. One of the other reasons being the age, Hidan was the closest in age to Deidara aside from Itachi, but Itachi acted as if he was the oldest of them... well mentally Hidan was probably younger than him. Hidan was like an incredibly perverted ten year old if not younger.

At least Konan was with him, he wanted to hide longer but he had to face them at some time, unfortunely it was sooner rather than later seeing as Tobi was hunting him down in order to 'nurse' him back to help. Unbidden, a sudden image of Tobi in a nurse costume appeared in his head, maybe he _should_ stop spending so much time with Hidan as Sasori told him to. He was catching Hidan's perviness! He couldn't even hang out with Konan either in order to get rid of it as it was a well known fact that Konan loved yaoi and she was a perv too, she just hid it better than Hidan. Konan looked at him suddenly.

"It's time, all the members are assembled." Konan said, Deidara swore she and Pein had some kind of mind link as she always this sort of thing... unless she had her little paper butterfly spies everywhere at all times. Did she have them in the bathrooms as well so she could perv on everyone, or in their bedrooms so she could check if anyone was er... going at it with an other member. Well Konan did suspect that KisaIta was real... and she did like yaoi. Well anyway, enough of what Konan's habits could be and how much of a perv she could actually be. And if it was as Deidara thought, it was a very big one, pervier than Hidan. She was like a super pervert in his mind!

Konan was then dragging him along the corridors to the living room of this base, it was well furnished with an artistic taste which even he and Sasori could agree on, it had an elegant feel with its beautiful carved wooden bottoms of the chairs and tables, but the modern, fresh feel given across with the multi coloured glass surfaces of the tables and the bright, framed paintings on the wall and the cushions on the push sofas. Then there was the well placed orchid on the window, placed into an embroidered clay pot which had been lovingly made and painted by Deidara in order to match the theme of the room. Everyone was surprised he had not blown it up yet but Deidara seemed to love that flower. Eventually he even admitted that he loved orchids and other such flowers and that he would never destroy them, that had made him closer to Zetsu and they occasionally went to flower shows together along with Konan who also liked flowers, hence the paper rose in her hair.

Well enough with that, everyone was sitting around in the living room comfortably; it was more of lounging than sitting really. Konan knocked on the door to gain their attention, Deidara was incredibly nervous now, he shook slightly, and he needed somebody to hold. Konan noticing that pulled the blond closer to her reassuringly. Deidara relaxed slightly but chewed his lip. Everyone's head turned to look at them, it did not take some of them that long to notice that something was not quite right with Deidara's appearance. Jaws dropped and hit the ground, eyes widened and et cetra when they noticed the biggest difference which was Deidara's chest. Hidan's reaction had to be the most hilarious, despite the fact he already knew about it he had seemily felt left out so he gave an over exaggerated reaction of flinging his arms open in faux shock, hitting an annoyed Kakuzu and surprised Pein in the face as he did so. He stood up as his arms flew out, then he pointed at Deidara seemily horrified despite the grin on his face.

"Oh my lord Jashin, Konan has a flower in her hair!" He suddenly said looking at Konan, as if he only just noticed it. If jaws had not hit the floor yet, they did now. Deidara began snickering, Hidan gave him a wink, it was clear then that Hidan had only done it to cheer up the nervous blond "And Deidara's a girl..." He added unenthusiastically "BUT KONAN HAS A FREAKING FLOWER IN HER HAIR!" He yelled, Konan gave a slight smile but Deidara was practically in tears from smiling so much.

"S-So, h-how?" Sasori stammered looking at those things on Deidara's chest, his eyes then narrowed slightly, "And why are you wearing Hidan's shirt?" He added not seeming very pleased at all for some reason. Wait... how did he know it was Hidan's shirt? That was somewhat creepy... for him to notice such a thing had to make him look very intently and wasn't he looking at his... Deidara went slightly red, oh dear Danna was a pervert too and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well, Danna, it's a long story, un." He said, his voice finally making sense to the rest of the Akatsuki.

"Sempai makes a very pretty girl." Tobi said smiling cheerfully, interrupting whatever Sasori or Deidara might have said as well as distracting them by zooming past in a blur of orange and glomping Deidara. He hugged tightly onto Deidara's waist, making Deidara stare at him blankly for a while.

"Er... what are you doing, un?" Deidara asked curiously, trying to push Tobi off but the masked ninja was surprising strong and held on tight. Tobi ignored him and snuggled into Deidara's waist, Deidara looked down with a slight blush on his cheeks, well this was embarrassing. There was a cough from Pein.

"Well anyway, a jutsu had been placed on Deidara, causing this change. You'll all have to put up with it until we can reverse it." Pein said, pulling Tobi away and standing between Tobi, Deidara and Konan. If Deidara did not know better, he would of said that Tobi's eye glowed red for a moment and he had glared at Pein. He forgot about it though as Pein gave a sly look at Konan's ass, showing his true reason for removing Tobi from him. Tobi had been blocking his view, it seems that Pein was a pervert too. Was any one _not _a pervert here?

"Must it be reversed?" Kakuzu asked, everyone turned to stare at him "We can make money from his new look, as long as he goes shirtless." Well apparently not then. Hidan seemed really pleased with it though.

"Can I take the photos?" He asked excitedly, Deidara gave a groan and laid his head on Konan's shoulder, making Pein give him a slight glare from jealousy.

"You could get a lot actually of money if the pose is right." Kisame said looking at Deidara, gaining approving look from Kakuzu and Hidan and incredulous looks from everyone else. Well that leaves Itachi, Tobi and Zetsu not to be perverts.

"I have a camera you can borrow, as **long as we can be on the shoot**." Zetsu said, well he spoke too soon.

"Tobi wants to be there too!" Tobi yelled, well it seems that only Itachi was not a pervert.

"You're all sick." Itachi said coldly, obliviously not approving with Kakuzu's little money gaining scheme. He gave a sigh of relief from both the fact there was one person who was not a pervert and the fact there was at least one person who did no think the photo shoot was a good idea. He gave Itachi a grateful smile.


	8. Chapter 8: Itachi's Interrogation

Words: 1743

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><p>Itachi's POV<p>

**Chapter Eight (as in the number after seven rather whatever else it could mean, you dummies): Itachi's Interrogation **

Recap: "You're all sick." Itachi said coldly, obliviously not approving with Kakuzu's little money gaining scheme. He gave a sigh of relief from both the fact there was one person who was not a pervert and the fact there was at least one person who did no think the photo shoot was a good idea. He gave Itachi a grateful smile.

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><p>"You're all sick." Itachi said coldly, Kakuzu's idea was horrendous and he had to put a stop to this discussion. A photo shoot of a shirtless Deidara merely for money? Deidara did not deserve that lack of consideration made to even suggest such a thing, he clearly did not want such a thing, Deidara was actually quite reserved about stuff other than his art so that would be a step too far. Also Deidara was beautiful enough to be a model with all his clothes so suggesting that he needed to remove clothing to be famous was wrong as well. Itachi then noticed the silence which had issued around the room, apparently Itachi ha so much of an influence once he said the subject was bad no one continued it. Deidara gave a sigh of relief as the uncomfortable conversation was finally dropped. Then the blond turned and smiled at him. Itachi's eyes widened, did Deidara just honestly smile at him? In all the time that he had known the energetic blond bomber, the blond had never smiled at him before. Heck, Deidara barely even smiled with him just in the room and if he did it was never directed towards him but rather at Hidan, Konan, Sasori or other members. Even Tobi, Pein and Kakuzu got smiles from Deidara and they weren't Deidara's favouritest of people. So it was weird for Deidara to direct a smile at him, he suddenly disappointed that was the case, Deidara's smiles were beautiful. They lit up Deidara's face and put a light air into the room, even making other people smile because of it. So, for one of those smiles be for him, sent an odd feeling in the depths of his chest. It was like a tingly feeling which sent warmth throughout his body.<p>

He watched as Deidara suddenly realise who he just smile at and look away hurriedly. Itachi was grateful for that as that meant Deidara could not see the pink blush which he was sure had stained his cheeks, but unfortunely for him Konan had. He knew she had by the grin on her face. She was now going to make his life a living hell trying to pair him up with Deidara, she had already tried that with Kisame as well just because Kisame grabbed his hand once to stop him from murdering Tobi that had made her convinced that they were in love. He gave her a slight glare in warning no to act on it but she merely grinned wider. Oh great. She moved from Deidara and Pein's side and sidled up next to him, he moved away slightly but she stepped closer still with that creepy grin etched on her face. May Kami save him, he'd even convert to Jashinism like Hidan was urging everyone to do so in order to escape from Konan. He gave a slight jump as Hidan suddenly appeared on his other side.

"So Itachi, I heard from Jashin that you were thinking of converting." Hidan said grinning just as creepily as Konan. How did he even know that? Did Jashin really exist then and not some figment of Hidan's imagination?

"Go away Hidan, I was interrogating him first." Konan pouted shoving a protesting Hidan away from Itachi gaining everyone's attention. Itachi put on his emotionless facade even though inside he was shrivelling up in embarrassment, hadn't it been bad enough he had even shown any hint if his like for Deidara but Konan had actually had to pick up on it? Curse you blush, I hope Jashin haves your soul! From across the room Hidan gave him a thumbs up.

"That's it Itachi! Embrace Jashin! Whoo!" Hidan yelled grinning like the maniac he actually was. Seriously how did he know that! Konan gave a groan of annoyance at Hidan who keep disrupting her interrogation.

"Itachi, you're coming with me now, somewhere private." Konan said dragging him out the room, Itachi felt nervous as Pein gave him a death glare, seriously if looks could kill he would be ash by now.

"Noooo! He must convert first!" Hidan yelled and grabbed Itachi's over arm, wow, he was feeling popular today. He soon had enough in about half a second and activating his sharignan glared at both of them with tightened lips. They hurriedly let go of his arms as if they were burnt by his skin.

"Hidan, I am not converting to Jashinism." He said coldly, Hidan excited face fell and he looked like a kicked puppy, he _almost_ felt bad but he had actually kicked a puppy before (A/N: Gasp! Itachi is now evil!) and he hadn't felt guilty so Hidan had no chance.

"I had such great hopes for you." Hidan said in a small voice that would have tugged at anyone's heart-strings, shame he didn't have a heart except when it came to Sasuke... and maybe Deidara.

"And is the reason you wish to take me somewhere private really that important?" He asked Konan sceptically, he knew what Konan wanted to say and he wanted to avoid it at all costs. Konan pouted and crossed her arms.

"Yes, everything I do is important." She said, Deidara nodded in agreement.

"It is, un! It may not seem like it at the time but it is, un." Deidara said cheerfully sticking up for Konan, Konan gave a squeal and patted Deidara on the head in motherly affection.

"See." Konan said sticking out her tongue childishly, and grabbed Itachi's arm again and yanked him out of the room nearly dislocating his arm. Konan continued to drag him until they were in her room and then she locked the door with five different locks and then bolted it. Then with that creepy smile back on her face she wrapped paper around Itachi's arm making it impossible to make any jutsus to escape. Itachi gulped at the security measures, what was she going to do to him?

"Now Itachi, you're going to answer some questions." Konan said, chuckling creepily as she pulled out a huge syringe from under her bed. His eyes widened and he moved away from her rather creeped out by the needle which was as big as a pencil.

"What's that?" He asked nervously, Konan gave a smile.

"Some truth poiton I borrowed from Sasori, you never answered my questions about your relationship with Kisame so I needed something to start you talking." She said, Itachi was actually scared now, what was wrong with that woman.

"Why is it that big?" He asked, Konan looked at it and shrugged.

"It was the only syringe Sasori could spare." She said simply "Now relax, this may hurt a lot."

"That installs all my confidence." Itachi said sarcastically, he winced as Konan stabbed the needle in his arm.

"Now tell me do you like Deidara." She said leaning over him putting down the syringe.

"Of course, who doesn't like him? He's nice enough if you don't annoy him." Itachi calmly even though he was panicking slightly, he hadn't meant to say that he meant to say 'We're mere acquaintances but I don't dislike him.' Konan pouted, obviously that was not good enough for her.

"Do you like like him?" She asked, Itachi bit his lip hoping not to let anything slip, yes he did actually 'like like' Deidara. Deidara was amazingly beautiful but he wasn't just attracted to Deidara's looks, he loved liked Deidara's enthusiasm over art and how passionate he was when talking over it, he wished he could have that over something. Then there was Deidara's cute reactions and his humour, he could write a book about the aspects he liked about Deidara.

"You could argue that." Itachi said vaguely glad he managed to say only that, Konan gave an annoyed sigh; she still wanted more from him. Greedy woman, wasn't it enough that he had admitted to like Deidara? Even though it was not willingly and by fault of her truth potion, curse Sasori for giving some to her.

"How long have you like liked him?" She asked pointing the syringe at his neck threateningly, forcing him to answer her question.

"Since I first laid eyes on him." Itachi said, crap, he did not mean to say that, he wished he had access to his hands so he could at least clasp his hands over his mouth. Konan's eyes lit up, at last she was happy.

"Aw, that's so sweet, is that why you tried harder than you usually did. Kisame did say you showed more interest, aw, you got him in so you could stay with him. Aw, my poor baby, it must have been so hard on you for him to hate you, don't worry I'll get you two together .ItaDei will become real! But Hidan looks so good with Deidara too! I'm so conflicted!" Konan blabbered on getting incredulous looks from Itachi, so Hidan was right, Konan did like yaoi so much she obsessed over it. He had just thought it a fling when she was pushing about Kisame. "Hidan also had more moments with Deidara than you so he has more chance, ah, we need you and Deidara to get together before Hidan gets him. Love on first sight will conquer all!" Konan continued on, talking so quickly that if his sharignan was not on he may have not understood a word of what she was saying.

"But what if I don't want to get with Deidara?" He asked, he did but fortunely the truth potion allowed him to ask simple questions.

"You don't have a choice, you're going to get with Deidara if it's the last thing I do." Konan growled pointing the syringe near his eyes making him move away his back hitting the wall, Itachi sighed and nodded acting as if he wasn't scared to death by the bluenette at that moment in time. Konan giggled happily and clapped her hands in glee.

"Yay! Operation ItaDei can start now." She said cheerfully, Itachi flinched was she bi-polar or what? "You must do everything I tell you to do though." She said glaring again, Itachi nodded. Oh please someone save him from this mad woman before she killed him or something, or at least severely injured, she was not being particularly careful with that syringe. Shit, she dropped it and it landed centimetres away from his crotch. Oh dear Kami, Jashin who ether's up there save him please.

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><p>AN: I'm scared of Konan now too Poor Itachi


	9. Not an update!

First of all, this story haven't been updated in pretty much two years. I have reasons, some of which are that I had forgotten about the story -oh how I have forgotten- I have forgotten my password for here and for both my recovery accounts (it has been years after all) and I forgotten what happened. Another is that I found other fandoms to write about and been doing it elsewhere... /shot/ Stories wrote can be found here. /shot again/ Reading over I was in stitches, how on Earth could I write such utter nonsense... I can continue of course but the last (pathetic) chapter (9) will be deleted and replaced. The story may become more serious as well.

AND I APOLOGISE (wrote in caps-lock for extra emphasise) on making an update take so long to come through, how could I seriously do such a thing. Such a vile, vile person I am.


	10. Chapter 9

_1 Hidan (Yay!) 6 _

_2 Itachi (Oh yeah!) 6 _

_3 Tobi (:D) 4_

_4 Sasori (Whoo!) 3 _

_5 Orochimaru (O.o) 1_

_6 L from Death Note (err... why he is even on the list?) 1_

_7 OC! (Ack, why when we have all of the Akatsuki to choose from?) 1 _

Current votes for pairing as seen from poll - gosh its been so long.

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><p>Dei's POV.<p>

Chapter Nine: A change in plan, un.

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><p>Deidara watched as Konan led Itachi out of the room, or better still dragged him forcefully. He was so proud of his mother figure, always so determined and getting what she wanted by whatever means possible, amazing. She would have been his role model in life if she made things go 'boom' more often. Well enough of that, Hidan was sulking because Itachi rejected him and Jashin. Poor Hidan. Noticing Deidara's look, Hidan trembled his lip and sat down on the floor doing an amazing impression of a really cute baby about to cry or a fucking ugly puppy. Maybe itwas a bit cruel but he didn't find the looks of others near tears particularly attractive and instead it was rather repulsive. Therefore he <em>had <em>to stop the other from crying.

Thus Deidara was on the floor next to him in an instant, as well known as Deidara's need of touch when he was nervous and his love of fleeting moments, it was known that Deidara hated seeing people cry and tried his best to cheer them up. So Deidara wrapped his arms around Hidan to help cheer him up. Which he instantly did of course considering how Hidan was an attention and touch whore. Especially when it came to Deidara, how could he not be? The bomber was pretty damn gorgeous and he would be mad to pass up any excuse to touch him up or have large squishy mammaries pressed against his chest.

"Hm… Deidara, you're warm." Hidan said and pulled him closer to be sitting on his lap, Deidara finding the position slightly uncomfortable, twisted so he was straddling Hidan. Hidan started to actually blush, his blush grew more predominant as Deidara ran his hand through his hair. Well he wouldn't call it so much a blush, if he could pass it off as anything he would claim it was a heat-rash or something rather than a blush as he found blushes to rather unmanly and for some insane reason he found himself wanting to be more and more manly around the other now. Perhaps it was in fact those breasts and the new feminine side the other had since the jutsu begun, he was like a lion staking out his position through his manliness. Being a lion didn't seem have bad to be honest, lazing about whilst his 'bitches' did the hard work and have a huge amount of 'bitches' to breed with... being a lion seemed great.

Hidan started a little at a small slap on his cheeks by a certain blond bomber. This is what happens when Hidan thinks, it takes most of his brain power and distracted him which is why he didn't do it too often. "You dazed off." Deidara said matter of factly looking at the other still straddling him as if it was nothing at all. They had always had quite a bit of contact like that therefore it wasn't too much for them, but for some strange reason that lust seemed to bite at him now and then such as it was now making it hard (no pun intended) with Deidara wiggling somewhat on his lap. Hidan placed his hands firmly on the other's hips in order to just make him stop moving too much, didn't the bomber realise that although they may be close friends that any wiggling on a man's crouch will more than likely cause some problems down there?

"Eh'em." came the voice from the rest of the group who they had both conventionally forgotten. They looked over to see Kakuzu giving them a look, ol' grumpy chops was grumpy. He was the grandpa of the group according to Hidan, an old miser of a man who loved seeing young people suffer was an apt description for both accordingly. "If you must do that here at least do it so we can make money off it." He stated, Hidan hissed a little, the other's money making schemes where to be the death of them he could swear by it. Deidara scrunched up his -or rather her now- nose before grumbling as she slid off the other's lap to sit beside the silver-locked Jashinist and complain about how unfair Kakuzu was being.

Although Hidan agreed he was still partly grateful for the miser as he hadn't really wanted his 'mini me' responding in front of everyone especially if Deidara had felt it! What would have happened then? He was leaning more towards pure chaos than anything else to be perfectly honest. But anyway it was good to be spending time with Deidara even if he was a girl now. Then Tobi had to be Tobi and ruin it by crawling by them and bouncing like some kind of insane rubber ball waving his arms about like a demented octopus.

"Dei~~" Tobi hummed contently looking at the bomber "Let's go get candy~ like lollipops" He cooed looking at the other who merely blinked slowly and looked at the masked man. He wasn't so keen on Tobi -heck Tobi wasn't even a real member of the Akatsuki!- especially considering the other's odd obsession with him or so it seemed like, it was like having your own personal stalker in his option. But what got his surprise with the statement was the fact that the other had asked for lollipops.

"Wouldn't that be like... cannibalism, un?" Deidara drawled out slowly trying to get his head around it, Tobi's mask did in fact look like a lollipop and the masked man did act like a kid on a permenant sugar rush so it made all sense that it would be similar to cannibalism. Tobi laughed a little, in fact it was similar to giggling (if men giggled that was... then again could you even call whatever Tobi was a man?).

"Silly sempai, always joking." Tobi stated grabbing hold of the some-what reluctant blond's wrist and dragging him away as if it wasn't like kidnap. Deidara sent Sasori a pleading look for the puppet to save him from the lunatic lollipop but Sasori seemed content enough to leave him to his doom with Tobi. Sadistic piece of wood, watch till he got back then he would get his revenge for not being saved.


End file.
